This blog is meant to help you unlearn the pain that holds you back in ALL areas of your life: your body, your brain, your career, your relationships.
The Mirror Project will encourage you to take action and build your self esteem.
Take action and do the exercise I give you. All that I ask is if you like it, share it with others. Pay it forward. Comment below and share what this blog means to you, if you feel like it.
photo credit Claire Bell
Here are some things I hear from clients every day:
“Renee, I don’t know what I’m passionate about. I’m seeking out my joy in the wrong ways and it keeps getting me into trouble.”
“I just don’t trust myself to be my word. I have said I am going to do things so many times and I don’t do them. I stopped respecting myself and I put everything off. I’m such a procrastinator!”
“I don’t take time for me. I am a helper. I do everything for everyone else. Sure I get my pedicures and go to yoga for sometimes. But I don’t know how to have relationships with people unless I’m giving everything I have. Then I feel drained and eat and drink too much. Heck, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be eating!”
The common denominator between the clients I work with is that they are lacking in self esteem and they often don’t know it. They want help, change and new tools. But they don’t realize that a lot of their issues are based on how they feel about who they are and how much they trust their own choices.
No meal plan, recipe or personal chef is going to fix a broken down self esteem.
photo credit Brian Bilek
When I was just 21, I hired my first life coach and took part in a weekend long coaching workshop. I wanted personal growth. And at this time in my life it was considered super weird because no one quite knew what life coaching was. It was the leaders of this workshop and also author Louise Hay that first shared with me the words “mirror work” and an exercise around it.
Now I’m going to share it with you. The exercise is revised by me a bit, but thank you to Louise for the inspiration from over fifteen years ago!
I want to first explain why you will benefit from this.
People become unrecognizable (in a good way) when fueled with confidence, self esteem, oxygen and health. They exude a different energy and because of that they attract a different kind of life.
Why? They begin to unlearn their pain. They notice that their fears are connected to their desires and that when they face some fear and feel their pain fully, they unlock so many hidden gifts within them. One of those gifts includes how to feel healthier, more free and connected in relationships. It’s amazing to witness.
The first step to growing your self esteem is to have the courage to face and see your own shadow. Your shadow is a compilation of your fears, pain, shame, patterns and limiting thoughts all intertwined with your greatest truth and deepest desires.
This means you need to look at yourself. You need to look in the mirror to get a little deeper look at that shadow because there are hidden gems that live there.
So many of us miss those gems because they don’t take a minute to look.
The Mirror Project is a taste of what I teach my clients in my Love Your Life Academy (LYLA) program and one one one coaching.
(Apply for LYLA here) (Apply for One-On-One Coaching here)
How does the Mirror Project work?
This introductory version to mirror work will take anywhere from 1 minute to 5 minutes each day. It can take more if you want. It can also last for only 20 seconds, if that’s all you have when you first start.
Just be sure to start. No excuses.
If you are still reading this you know you need to try it at least once.
Then you repeat it the next day. I recommend you set an alarm on your phone each day for the next 3 days.
Remember, this is a daily practice and practice makes progress, NOT perfection. There is no perfect with this exercise or right or wrong.
I recommend you complete it for a minimum of 3 days in a row. However it’s meant to be a daily morning ritual for you and I invite you to use it as one.
Self esteem is developed by taking action. This daily practice that I’m about to share with you, will make an enormous impact on your life.
Please share with me in comments below how it goes for you, once you get started.
When I first starting practicing this “mirror work”, I eventually stopped eating as much crappy food, listening to my many crappy thoughts and slowly stopped making choices in my life against my intuition.
I figured out how to feed my real hunger.
My real hunger often had little to do with food itself but instead a deep insatiable hunger for being connected to myself and my purpose to help others in this life. Admittedly it had to do with real food too, but that is for a different blog.
You are not going to be much good to others long term unless you are engaged in how to love yourself and feed yourself. Eventually the well of energy that you have stored up will begin to dry up.
I am here to help you figure out what you are really hungry for.
You need one tool: A mirror. Clean it well so you can really see yourself.
Sit comfortably in front of the mirror. You may also stand, but sitting is a good way to begin. Relax your entire your body as best as you can. Use a chair or sit on a pillow.
Look into the mirror. Look into your eyes. Blow out all of the air in your chest (like you are blowing a balloon). Completely empty your lungs. Now, inhale deeply, all the way down to the bottom of your belly.
Say to yourself these three words: “Life loves you”
And then exhale.
Notice the thoughts you have.
Notice the sensations you have in your body.
Notice any tensions you have or lightness you might experience.
Notice your emotional state. There might be anger, frustration, sadness, confusion.
This isn’t about being positive, this is about being REAL – AUTHENTIC – HONEST.
Now repeat.
Look into your eyes. Relax.
Breath out completely. Now inhale deeply.
Say to yourself these three words: “Life loves you”
photo credit Tanjila Ahmed
Notice, it DOES NOT say, “Life loves you if you complete that project” or “Life loves you if you lose 15 pounds” or “Life loves you if you make more money” or “Life loves you because someone else loves you” or “Life loves you if you heal your cancer, digestive troubles, etc”.
It is that “LIFE LOVES YOU” right now. You don’t have to earn that love or achieve something new or change or be different than who you are right now. Life thinks you are absolutely incredible now and it’s working in your favor.
Goal: repeating this 10 times each day.
Some of you might repeat it 3 times each day for a while. Some of you may start with one time a day. Work up to 10.
Write down your experience in your journal.
Affirm to yourself: I am open to life loving me today.
Here are some tips:
- Look deeply into your eyes while sitting comfortable.
- Remember to breathe. It’s common to forget this and tense up.
- Be kind to yourself. Try to be curious versus judgmental. There is no right or wrong.
- I cry when I do this at times, you might too. You might not cry at all or you may not feel anything at first.
- Keep at it.
- If you feel uncomfortable, that’s okay, just notice that you are uncomfortable but keep repeating “life loves you”, breathing and looking into your eyes in the mirror.
- The Mirror Project might challenge you or feel out of your comfort zone at first. That is supposed to happen, but when you stay in your discomfort for a few moments and look at your fears and into your eyes, eventually you’ll be able to see past them and into YOU.
- You will learn about who you are and know your pain and the freedom that comes seeing yourself fully.
- Know that this is a wise way to spend 5-15 minutes of your time, it’s an investment in the rest of your life.
This practice today is just taste of mirror work, for more tastes you can read part 2 or part 3 (coming soon).
You can also find the online 8-week group coaching course I created called Love Your Life Academy and apply for it here.
It will transform your life.
After a while, my clients aren’t afraid to look people in the eyes, speak their truth, ask for what they want and treat themselves with respect; they notice that they trust themselves more than they ever have before.
The fears and worries that once consumed them are not controlling their life now. They had to go through hard days and good days to get there and so did I on my own coaching journey in the past 15 years and you will too. Remember that they are going to be highlighted by some many great days and you’ll appreciate all of it more when you can appreciate the contrast.
Our tough moments define who we are as much as our incredible ones.
I would not change any of my life story. It’s all gotten me right here, right now, with you.
Thanks for joining in on The Mirror Project, now go find a mirror.
Don’t forget to leave me a comment below. I love hearing from you,
Renee
