I’d like to share that there is an entirely different view on jealousy and envy that I don’t hear too many people talking about these days… well except for calling each other crazy b’s and rude a’s… you get my drift.
I’ve found myself digging deep to feel some emotional stuff that I haven’t noticed in years… like jealousy, envy and insecurity. Yep, not exactly exciting but as I noticed twinges of these come to me, I knew I had to explore more… So what did I do? By the way, there is a huge breakthrough for you in this message, if you can relate, but before I get to that…
First I resisted change. Because we all say we want to change and we really do consciously but subconsciously… we don’t… we would rather stay safe and cozy stuck in our old self sabotaging habits and beliefs.
The best way for me to change when I don’t feel like it is to move my body… because if I’m moving my body and changing my state, then I am forced to create the emotional change.
I hung up my exercise and dance pole in the house. I can do some great tricks on it. I’ve been running through the “enchanted forest” near my home and went back to hot yoga to sweat out those toxins and open my heart. Oh and I cannot forget to mention doing lots of cartwheels and handstands with my almost 5 year old out on the lawn. Can you believe I did the slip in slide with him too? I also had a diving competition with my sister in the canal near my parents home… we both were given a 7 out of 10 stars by our family…, but I’m pretty sure I won (sorry Sara). What can I say… I’m competitive.
What I was noticing in many areas of my life was a deep rooted pattern of comparing myself to others and some old jealous thoughts from my past coming up too. You know what, I got mad because I thought I healed that stuff. Ha. Well that was my first clue, whenever we think we are “healed” there is something more buried there under the surface.
First, it’s important that you know that jealousy and envy are different emotional states. They are not the same thing.
According to one of my fav books, The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren, “jealousy arises in response to unfaithfulness or deceit in an intimate relationship” and “envy is powerful because it responds to powerful threats to your social position and your connection to resources (money, food, belonging, status, etc)”.
So what is under the surface of envy or jealousy?
Jealousy can trigger your intuition (this is a good thing)
Envy can stand up for you in instances of unfairness (another good thing)
What’s pretty crazy is that most of us, culturally, have been trained to think that jealousy and envy is destructive, crazy and shameful stuff.
I work with people on how to use these emotions and couple them with their intellectual smarts, bodily skills and strengths and desires so they can step into their brilliance and I knew that is also what I needed to do for myself too.
You know what else is important… at the root of both jealousy and envy is one big emotion: Anger.
I had to get in touch with why I was so angry and who was I angry at. This is how I help people go super deep and why our work is so freaking powerful… Anger is a catalyst for great change when used wisely.
On the other side of that jealousy, envy and anger that we have built up, you know what you’ll find?
Radical Self Acceptance.
It’s funny, because that’s the work that I’m here to do… teaching you to fully accept yourself. There are always more layers of acceptance that we can get to and it’s so important to continue to dive deep within yourself to get there.
Ask yourself today, what kind of friend am I being? What kind of daughter? Mother? Father? Sister? Brother? Leader?
Then, you gotta start to take action with your wellness.
I realized that I had been a very average friend to myself in the month prior and a pretty distant mother to myself too. Yes, it’s our job to parent and befriend ourselves. You gotta step it up!!!
So, I’ve spent this month sleeping a lot more. I have taken longer showers and some great bubble baths. As I mentioned, I moved my body and I got back in touch with my tastes and what kind of food I needed to feed those lovely taste buds of mine.
As I lay in my bubble bath (I put way too many bubbles in there!), I embraced every part of my body and thanked it and I cried. As the tears washed down my face and I looked at the overflowing suds, I realized that I had forgotten about my best friend (aka me) a little lately… I had forgotten to accept myself.
You know what? You must create self acceptance as a habit in your daily life..
That’s what I’m great at, I help people create lasting habits that stick and the reason we struggle with it is because we try to skip over that “emotions” and “change” part above. You cannot skip steps.
I’ve been coaching clients one-on-one for years and it’s one of my favorite ways to spend my time and I plan to continue for a long time.
I’m also really excited because I have found a way to take the system that I walk people through to change their inner game, create wellness in their body’s and new habits in their lives and put it into a group program that is not cookie cutter. You grow at your own pace, you get what you need and you do it within a group of incredible people who will hold you accountable to making habits last.