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Renee Jayne

The truth about jealousy and envy?

in Emotional & Mental Health, Love Yourself, Love Yourself Naked, naked nutrition, Relationships, Renee's BLOG on 07/24/14

I’d like to share that there is an entirely different view on jealousy and envy that I don’t hear too many people talking about these days… well except for calling each other crazy b’s and rude a’s… you get my drift.

I’ve found myself digging deep to feel some emotional stuff that I haven’t noticed in years… like jealousy, envy and insecurity. Yep, not exactly exciting but as I noticed twinges of these come to me, I knew I had to explore more… So what did I do? By the way, there is a huge breakthrough for you in this message, if you can relate, but before I get to that…

First I resisted change. Because we all say we want to change and we really do consciously but subconsciously… we don’t… we would rather stay safe and cozy stuck in our old self sabotaging habits and beliefs.

The best way for me to change when I don’t feel like it is to move my body… because if I’m moving my body and changing my state, then I am forced to create the emotional change.

I hung up my exercise and dance pole in the house. I can do some great tricks on it. I’ve been running through the “enchanted forest” near my home and went back to hot yoga to sweat out those toxins and open my heart. Oh and I cannot forget to mention doing lots of cartwheels and handstands with my almost 5 year old out on the lawn. Can you believe I did the slip in slide with him too? I also had a diving competition with my sister in the canal near my parents home… we both were given a 7 out of 10 stars by our family…, but I’m pretty sure I won (sorry Sara). What can I say… I’m competitive.

What I was noticing in many areas of my life was a deep rooted pattern of comparing myself to others and some old jealous thoughts from my past coming up too. You know what, I got mad because I thought I healed that stuff. Ha. Well that was my first clue, whenever we think we are “healed” there is something more buried there under the surface.

First, it’s important that you know that jealousy and envy are different emotional states. They are not the same thing.

According to one of my fav books, The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren, “jealousy arises in response to unfaithfulness or deceit in an intimate relationship” and “envy is powerful because it responds to powerful threats to your social position and your connection to resources (money, food, belonging, status, etc)”.

So what is under the surface of envy or jealousy?

Jealousy can trigger your intuition (this is a good thing)
Envy can stand up for you in instances of unfairness (another good thing)

What’s pretty crazy is that most of us, culturally, have been trained to think that jealousy and envy is destructive, crazy and shameful stuff.

I work with people on how to use these emotions and couple them with their intellectual smarts, bodily skills and strengths and desires so they can step into their brilliance and I knew that is also what I needed to do for myself too.

You know what else is important… at the root of both jealousy and envy is one big emotion: Anger.

I had to get in touch with why I was so angry and who was I angry at. This is how I help people go super deep and why our work is so freaking powerful… Anger is a catalyst for great change when used wisely.

On the other side of that jealousy, envy and anger that we have built up, you know what you’ll find?

Radical Self Acceptance.

It’s funny, because that’s the work that I’m here to do… teaching you to fully accept yourself. There are always more layers of acceptance that we can get to and it’s so important to continue to dive deep within yourself to get there.

Ask yourself today, what kind of friend am I being? What kind of daughter? Mother? Father? Sister? Brother? Leader?

Then, you gotta start to take action with your wellness.

I realized that I had been a very average friend to myself in the month prior and a pretty distant mother to myself too. Yes, it’s our job to parent and befriend ourselves. You gotta step it up!!!

So, I’ve spent this month sleeping a lot more. I have taken longer showers and some great bubble baths. As I mentioned, I moved my body and I got back in touch with my tastes and what kind of food I needed to feed those lovely taste buds of mine.

As I lay in my bubble bath (I put way too many bubbles in there!), I embraced every part of my body and thanked it and I cried. As the tears washed down my face and I looked at the overflowing suds, I realized that I had forgotten about my best friend (aka me) a little lately… I had forgotten to accept myself.

You know what? You must create self acceptance as a habit in your daily life..

That’s what I’m great at, I help people create lasting habits that stick and the reason we struggle with it is because we try to skip over that “emotions” and “change” part above. You cannot skip steps.

I’ve been coaching clients one-on-one for years and it’s one of my favorite ways to spend my time and I plan to continue for a long time.

I’m also really excited because I have found a way to take the system that I walk people through to change their inner game, create wellness in their body’s and new habits in their lives and put it into a group program that is not cookie cutter. You grow at your own pace, you get what you need and you do it within a group of incredible people who will hold you accountable to making habits last.

Register for the 18 Day Love Yourself Naked Challenge here.

Apply to be part of my group coaching mastermind here.

 

Love,

Renee

xo

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renee__jayne
✨What if we changed our relationship to consumpt ✨What if we changed our relationship to consumption?✨

For anyone who can hear this today and needs the reminder:
Even though there is an enormous amount of external chaos now in our world and systems, going inward and looking at your own personal opportunities to grow is extremely important now.
Especially now you will need more space.

Try not take take other people personally, they need space too.

When things are louder “out there” and there is so much uncertainty, it’s a cue to slow down, tune in to your internal voice and get clear on what you need right now.

Clear away all the noise so you can hear yourself.
Be in nature.
Create the quiet space you need so new habits and commitments can be developed.

It’s not that we won’t be tempted away to distraction. 
We will be, we’re human after all.

It’s not that we would ignore the external loud chatter completely or be naive to important issues that align with our values.

Instead we can be allowing the media wave to float along like a river away from you or next to you.
You don’t need to be “in it or of it”.
What if we changed our relationship to consumption?
We stopped becoming so attached to the latest sound byte... we just allow it to float along...

We focused on creating the new instead.

You are safe.
We are safe.
Stay grounded and centered in yourself in any way you can knowing that truth.
It is safe to relax into your quiet moments.

It’s time to choose to settle into your nervous system differently in the midst of the chaos.

If you need help or support, send me a DM. 

Love to all,
Renee
In order to love ourself, we must learn to LIKE ou In order to love ourself, we must learn to LIKE ourself first. We can choose to be accepting and our own best friend first. 
You don’t fall in love until you like a person first...
How are you being a friend to YOU?? 

Right now, the external chaos is going to reflect back to us how we are choosing to “like ourself” in our darkest moments and through these life experiences we are having and witnessing.

Loving ourself fully and deeply with trust and acceptance has never been more important.

In my experience, loving me is a practice every single day (sometimes every moment) and it happens when I choose to like me first.

I need to know i got a friend in me, that I will have my own back, so to speak... whether I am in bliss and joy or in pain or self sabotage. 

I realize more and more that when I’m not living my highest truth creatively, it’s more challenging to like myself. 

I believe at the end of the day, every person wants to feel that they contributed something of value and that they genuinely like themself.... ideally love themself!

Cheers to new beginnings. 

DM me a note if I can be of service on your holistic wellness and emotional mastery to Love You.
-Renee ❤️ #loveyourselfnaked
🌲 🌲 ❄️ ❄️ 🌲 🌲 ❄️ ❄️
There is a mother within every one of us that has There is a mother within every one of us that has our back. Within you is a nurturing love that you can lean into and give yourself, as well as others. No matter your gender or if you’re a parent, you have the strength of the mother that gives birth to new worlds.

Link in my bio @renee__jayne to keep following me and my videos and writing!  By joining my email list, you’ll definitely stay connected with me.
I’m not certain on my next steps with where I will keep posting on various social platforms now. I’m not going anywhere yet. I am definitely formulating a different plan. So if you want to make sure we stay connected, sign up for my website newsletter @renee__jayne 

And remember that you are #strongasamother 💥🔥💃🏼❤️🌹🗣
I see you! How are you doing right now? I’m need I see you! How are you doing right now? I’m needing more rest these days to show up in bigger ways! Hey... that rhymed! Fortunately, rest helps me write a lot and create more. It got me thinking... 
What if we did something new, that we’ve never done before, every single day?
It could be as simple as drinking more water or calling a friend or walking outside or making a video...?
One change every day will change your whole game. I will continue to keep you posted on my experience, it is working wonderfully over here so far 😉
Humanity is not cancelled out. I’m sure of one Humanity is not cancelled out.

I’m sure of one thing now and that is change. 
Uncertain change is to be expected. 
I am not in control. 
You are not either.

As I observe the vast and sometimes terrifying range of humanity on full display right now, I feel so tempted to try to grasp for some semblance of control.

I used to have this overwhelming fear of owning my power and also of other people misusing their power over me.

This fear resulted in me trying to remain in  control.

This was a deeply embedded root within me, that I was so unaware was planted at the time. 
I learned of it because I kept living through examples where I was giving my power away. 

I was losing myself in things, people or grandiose story lines (both true and false).

I was under an illusion of control. I was not at all at the steering wheel of my own life.

I wouldn’t express myself clearly.
I was looking for safety and security and “love” in all the wrong places.
I was attracting relationships from a fear of wanting to be liked, validated or accepted.

I did not know how to source my own core sense of safety and trust myself.
I did not have self authority or sovereignty from within.
I did not know how to love myself.

I was addicted to bullying and criticism and shaming of myself. It is where I went to any chance I got... I would storm in on myself with rage and anger.

This suppressed rage ultimately looked like addictive behavior for me... mostly with work, food, people, situations, substances or anything that helped give me a false illusion of momentary control.

This unhealthy place was the most vulnerable, painful place to be in for me because I had to take self responsibility.

I didn’t like what I saw going on “out there” and it was disruptive to my life and others lives and I had no real power to change much without facing myself.

I had to look in the mirror!
It is a choice we can look in at anytime.
What can I learn from this?

Humanity is holding up a mirror to us as individuals now.

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