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Renee Jayne

I DIDN’T WANT TO BE A MOM … the Universe had other plans

in Uncategorized on 03/10/20

I DIDN’T WANT TO BE A MOM
… the Universe had other plans for me.

I didn’t grow up playing with my dolls the way I saw other people play. I didn’t babysit. In fact, I didn’t much like kids before the age of 17 or 18.
I eventually found this more tender part of me.

Back then, I didn’t cry at all. I was harder, rigid and closed off, only letting you see what I wanted to show you.

I was rebellious and have so many stories that would shock and awe you that have weaved my life.

Mothering seemed to be far from my goals until I noticed myself staring at mothers and babies everywhere I went.
Trying to see if I could identify in this role, step into this responsibility, this unknown and uncertainty thing.
I felt it called me in and I was kicking and screaming and avoiding.

Then I lost my period for over a year. Story for another time, but it began a whole fertility healing journey through acupuncture that I realize I don’t share much about. Another time…

Last night my son asked me about the first time I was pregnant.

I had a miscarriage first.
It was this experience that made me decide to be a mother.

My son wanted to understand what that meant.

He also asked if I had any other babies he didn’t know about…!!!!
This makes me laugh out loud just writing this.

I love getting to be in his life and mother him and know him.

I’m reminded every day how much I also get to mother me and how much that requires sometimes!

I was thinking today, about this idea that I had of “not wanting to be a mother”.

I was also thinking about how my most important job is to MOTHER ME so that I can consciously SHOW UP to mother him and ALL THE OTHERS I hold space for.

I try not to deeply identify with anything (it’s a daily practice…) and for this moment I’m going to own my inner MOTHER.

She’s a Bad Mother… 😜

Loving Mother.

A Mother who is growing herself so she can help grow others.

Thanks for reading my musings (if you are still with me, I appreciate you tuning in).

Whoever you are… identifed as more masculine or feminine, we all have our own INNER MOTHER to get to know.

It’s a LIFE LONG Committed Relationship.

Know her.
Let her mother you.
Receive that care and affection.

You see, if we don’t do this work.. this is called Self Parenting, we will seek “the mother” energy in everything we can find outside of us.

Looking in ice cream containers, unhealthy relationship patterns, over spending, dead end decision, fantasy thinking, addictions or distraction with technology.

We seek anything outside that distracts from this important thing…

Self Compassion and Self Acceptance
Finding your Inner Mama Bear, Wolf Woman, Mrs Doubtfire, Compassionate Queen.
Who is she?

This leads to love.
This leads you back to YOU.

By finding your “inner mama” you don’t make yourself sick finding “her” in all the wrong places.

I help people love themselves more and guide them to stop abandoning.

I can be of service to your health and healing if or when you are curiously ready, contact me here or here.

My group program registration is now open and I currently have 2 openings for Private Clients.

PS. We’ll talk about dad another time

« How fear is the biggest virus we face and how to build immunity
Instead of rejecting fear and suffering, asking it to be transformed: Observe your Love and Fear »

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renee__jayne

renee__jayne
∂σит ʝυ∂gє тнє вσσк ву ιтѕ ¢σνєя

When I woke this morning, this phrase was in my head, “don’t judge a book by its cover..” Anyone else have nightly dreams that are like full-on detailed movies?? I wake sometimes exhausted and attempt to write it out and make sense of it all. But I digress...

The judgement, we face, as humans, lives within our secrets. That judgment reflects our level of honesty with ourSelf. 

The appearance we show outward is often far removed from reality.

What’s crazy is that culturally we have been trained to see it as opposite... we fall into the trap of believing that the outward appearances we see around us ARE reality.

This is SO far from the truth.

I know this illusionary world well. 
I used to “have it all” in the eyes of the folks around me... the house, the cars, the toys, the closet full of fashion, the relationship, the career.

Inside, I was miserable while lost in someone else’s dream that I believed was mine.

I didn’t know who I was and even when I got glimpses of the real me, i didn’t trust myself or even like myself enough to take action to change anything.

It took letting it all breakdown for me to breakthrough.

For the past 10+ years I have worked with men and women who want to go deeper in relationship with self and have decided that it’s time to do so. 

They are stuck and uncertain about who they are, what they do or how they help others.

They use food as a way to cope or to mask what is painful underneath.

They feel disconnected from their body and how they make decisions and hold shame that their life is not flowing and in alignment.

They might be caught in relationship dysfunction with their self or others or even food while secretly comparing themself, judging others and hiding out.

I get it, I lived this secret life of smiling outside and hating inside. 

I reached the point where it was more painful to live the lie than the truth.

I gave up most everything in the eyes of everyone around me but I gained everything through self awareness and knowing myself.

What is required is a decision to learn who you are and to understand yourself and like yourself in a new way.

Maybe it’s time for an upgrade?👇🏽
Didn’t know my son was filming me. Haha! He’s Didn’t know my son was filming me. Haha! He’s awesome. This is often what morning breakfast is like though. Not sure what I would do without dancing my body awake. 💃🏼 
Yesterday my son requested a special breakfast he likes with the song choices to go with it 😂 #youreanatural #imaginedragons
It’s easier to point fingers at the “evils” It’s easier to point fingers at the “evils” of the world than to look internally at how we are being with our own presence in response to it.
As we evolve and grow in our life, choosing to liv As we evolve and grow in our life, choosing to live with a positive outlook does not invalidate the negative outlooks that creep in. Who the hell is positive all the time...? I’m not.
And yet...

Right now, we might be changing a lot and moving away from old patterns in our past- this is good. Thank those hard fought lessons and the fact that you don’t want to repeat them. Believe you can do and be different.

Being all love and light is bull$hit.
Honor those dark night of the souls and painful learning curves.

Seeing the full perspective of things takes deep work and it also makes one more aware of a contrast. 
So important to see the contrast in a world that shows us only what aligns with the algorithm we want to see.
We need to be willing to see what we don’t want to look at right now.
Are you willing to be uncomfortable?

If you’re not, you’ll have the illusion of fine until everything blows up down the road...

Both positive/negative exists simultaneously. 
This is the nature of all reality. 

To live positive in our life means to choose and discern what we give our energy to and what we receive in every moment.

We must learn to practice this without the judgment of ourself or getting lost in the judgment we might feel from others.
Note that I said practice. Every damn day.
This is not easy to do and yet so very important because it will radically change your entire life.
You cannot be right all the time and be at peace. 
At some point you must look humbly in that mirror and see your ego and flaws and love yourself for them.
Your “love and light” cannot exist without your dark and shadow.
Can you accept all of it? 
Can you accept ALL of You?

Are you willing to Own your Whole Self?

How powerful that we get to see the whole picture (if we choose to) and that with resiliency we can choose the light.
We can choose to love ourself, flaws and all. 

"Discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes" 
– Marcel Proust

DM me @renee__jayne to apply and jump on the phone with me. Learn Emotional Mastery and Intuitive Holistic Nutrition for your unique body.

Mucho love,

Renee
Client love feels wonderful inside. It’s taken m Client love feels wonderful inside. It’s taken me over a decade to learn to receive it.  My prayer has always been to “use me as a vessel and to be of service”. 
The truth is, my clients are my best teachers. This particular long term client had been relentlessly pushing me for years to finish my book and he inspires me so deeply by his own dedication. 
We are all, in fact, mirrors of each other.
Affirm: I am emotionally regulating. I refuse to b Affirm: I am emotionally regulating. I refuse to be dominated or defined by anything or anyone outside of me. 💜
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