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Renee Jayne

How do you measure your happiness?

in Emotional & Mental Health, Love Yourself, Love Yourself Naked, Naked Nutrition, Relationships, Renee's BLOG on 05/25/16

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Hey there! It sure has been an interesting week. I’ve been growing much wiser lately. Forced to grow and also willing. How about you?

Today I want to share this new truth that came to me. I sprinted to my computer to write it down.

I hope it will hit home for you.

Read on, if you’re curious.

It is a mistake to ONLY FOCUS your attention on what you can measure: Calories,  your body ’weight’, your carbon footprint, the size of your ass, followers on social media, the dollars in your bank account, the number of shoes you own or the accolades you have received.

Sure, these all serve a purpose, I like the good life too.  When performance is measured, it usually improves.

What if we didn’t place so much value on the measured items though. What if we did the opposite of what our culture likes and placed more value on things that you cannot measure… like love, passion and self esteem.  (This is actually being done in over 40 countries, they call in Gross National Happiness – GNH)

I went to the doctor yesterday. The nurse weighed me. I haven’t seen that measurement since I was at the doctor last. I do not give any meaning to that number and it has no value to my life.  

During the conversations I have with clients, I notice that the body weight number(and many other numbers) are often the measurement they are paying the most attention to.

The problem I see is actually not the measuring tools or the fact that they are measured, but instead the actual things we measure. As Chip Conley shares in his TED Talk, it’s not the tools that are the issue, it’s the toolbox.  

When too much of our attention is on the tangible, bottom stuff on the Maslow Pyramid (safety and physiological), then we are forgetting about the biggest percentage of needs that are intangible and cannot be easily measured.

At the doctor,  I was asked about my life. I was asked how I felt. The doctor wanted to know about my whole person. I told the doc my instinct about my gall bladder needing some flushing. He put his hands on the gallbladder and felt it and new to spend time working on getting it to move.  That doctor spent time with me and I felt completely seen and heard. I felt empowered by my own health and body.

This has an enormous value to me, but you cannot easily measure it.

Many people argue with me on this or they say things like, “well if you did not like your weight, you would pay attention to the number on the scale”.

The biggest impact a person makes will not be measured.

For the record, I’ve met some really joyful, purposeful people who happen to be overweight and I’ve also met some depressed and mean skinny people. I’ve met healthy jerks and I’ve met unhealthy angels.

Don’t you think we are placing a little too much value on the measured results and not enough on the intangible aspects of our esteem, love and conscious choices in life?

For example, we cannot measure the impact that Prince has had on our culture. It isn’t just about the record sales. He was more than that.

That family member who has passed away, that impacted you so deeply, they are not remembered for anything you an measure, they had depth and soul.

So do you.

Again, it’s about the intangible things that we cannot measure.

We are all human and incredibly unique and interesting.

How can you measure something that you cannot touch, or see rise or fall. How can you put a number on how much love or joy or passion someone has. All humans are so unique. You just cannot use science to measure everything. Although, i bet we will try and that’s pretty awesome too.

One of my incredible clients, Dinah, said it best:

dinah-banner

 

“Renee, has made some permanent changes in me that I can’t even put a price on it. Thinking about how important it is to be purposeful with my thoughts and how important it is to speak up and to have my voice. Just so many things. I don’t even think you can put a dollar value on it when you look back, how do you even ever put a dollar value on something that made you a wiser, happier, freer person? How do you? It’s like somebody comes along and let’s you out of your… Unties you from the chair you are bound to”   – Dinah Carter


Focus on growing the intangible.

Remember to ALSO grow the things that you cannot measure. How will you know?

Well you will learn to trust your intuition and then you’ll just know. Trust me.

 

Talk soon,

Renee

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renee__jayne

renee__jayne
Good morning ☀️ Good morning ☀️
When I look back on my life and consider the relat When I look back on my life and consider the relationships I attracted back then (that happened to be the most toxic or trauma bonded) it was for two big reasons.

1) unconscious seeking for security in things/people/sources outside of me.

Old Belief: “Once I have this, I will be safe. I will feel secure, everything will be okay”

Our security and safety come mostly from within. Certainly, more money or the next “magic pill” or quick fix or relationship can inspire some security, for a while...

It will not last or it will feel like a toxic relationship for as long as we are not Sourced in security and grounded within ourself. 

Note: we often need to look at the “bully’s, emotional abusive or passive aggressive relationships to see this. 
This could be with others or with yourself! Yes, you can “bully” yourself.

2) using things outside of me to cope due to dysregulated nervous system. (This is often not conscious to us at first)

Old belief: “once I have this it will help me “feel better”

These coping mechanisms work for a short while, until they do not anymore. 

(Food, the next “diet or workout plan”, the next shopping spree or purchase, drugs, alcohol, work, relationship, pharmaceuticals, etc)

We won’t be able to hold these things with any balance with a nervous system and emotional system that is dysregulated. 

Your nervous system is a complex network of neurons...
Basically, it’s the control center of your body!

All of your muscles, glands, sensations, smells, hearing, taste, touch, higher self are telling your body what to do.

Your nervous system is interpreting your body’s responses constantly.

We use things outside of us to try and regulate when we feel “out of balance” and sometimes those things just don’t serve us.

The crazy thing is: we will think the solution is in this “thing we need to have ASAP” and the solution we seek actually has nothing to do with “the thing”.

We’ve been taught the wrong way. 
Answers to things rarely come from outside of us.

Many of us were not taught about our nervous system and how it’s impacted by childhood trauma and how it’s the core reason we create a lot of the situations we are in (good or bad).
👇🏽👇🏽
Fantastic question....? Because big profits do no Fantastic question....?

Because big profits do not historically come from healthy people (when it comes to selling the anecdotes to their pain, anyway)

Because healthy people aren’t as easy to manipulate.

Because individuals with strong immune systems need less pharmaceuticals. This impacts Big Pharma’s profits and entire way of business.

Because mandating (I actually don’t like that word, but it works here) ... mandating vitamins and minerals would empower health and individual choice to choose health for one self.  Large corporations selling big pharmaceuticals, large amounts of sugar, fast food and factory and processed foods do not want empowered people because they are harder to sell to.
And big government structures that are run by unethical people can manipulate people who are vitamin deficient, because they get sicker more quickly.
What if your desire to get the lasting results you What if your desire to get the lasting results you’ve always wanted with your life (food, body, relationships, financial) was not about giving more attention to these things? 

What if your attention to the boring nothingness of life began to outweigh the attention you give to all the things you want right now?

Sounds silly, right?! 
Maybe backwards from what we've been taught culturally. 

We were taught to break free from life-long patterns of discontent by consuming information outside of us: learning, doing, pushing, striving.

And yet, it's not working so well, right?  At least not long-term. 

There is a place for education outside of us, yes, however, it doesn't do much for a nervous system that cannot hold the complexity of how we want to grow and evolve within that education and new wisdom.

People are trying to learn to "be still" and calm down their anxiety and maybe even meditate but their bodies cannot hold it yet. 
They struggle! 

So when your physical body and nervous system regulates...
 
Your whole game is changed as you learn to be with yourself. 
To be in your body, with your emotions and nervous system differently than you ever have before. 

Then your system can hold the capacity for the change you have always wanted. 

Make sense?

Love,
Renee 

PS. If I can help you with this radical shift in your life and you're interested in learning about The Somatic Freedom System that I created, send me a DM.
YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS IS MASSIVE AND YOU CAN DREAM NE YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS IS MASSIVE AND YOU CAN DREAM NEW DREAMS FOR NOT ONLY YOU, BUT FOR ALL OF HUMANITY. IMAGINE A RESPECTFUL, WIN-WIN SITUATION. CO-CREATE WITH YOUR TRIBE THE WORLD YOU DESIRE 💖
Rebirth, Adventure and Relationship 😉 Happy Ea Rebirth, Adventure and Relationship 😉

Happy Easter and Passover to all who celebrate. 
Also, important... HAPPY 4-4 BIRTHDAY to this wonderful man. 
(I know, I’m posting a day late)

After taking a purposeful and committed 2 years off of dating and romantic relationships, I opened myself up to dating last year (a 2020 version of it, 😉 ). 

During that time, a friend reached out to me and asked if he could give my phone number to a single friend of his.
I said yes. 
After a while, it felt strange to date others, so I stopped. 

Now, 7 months later and I don’t want to hide now 😉 

Meet Matt. ❤️ We are extremely compatible in all the ways and have so much fun together. Our purposes feel aligned and so does our relationship. So now you know ✨
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