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Renee Jayne

Feeling lonely? I can help.

in Emotional & Mental Health, Love Yourself, Love Yourself Naked, Relationships, Renee's BLOG on 12/23/13

open, Renee Heigel, Love Yourself Naked

This is written to the part of you who feels a bit lonely at times. You actually may not even realize you have the feeling because you’re used to doing something else to distract you… checking the phone, playing games on your phone, eating, surfing the web, working or shopping… The holidays are going on. You might be married, a parent, a business owner or a stay at home mom… You might be an entrepreneur, a coach or leader for others… Lonely isn’t an exclusive feeling to one group or person. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live or what you have going on.

This time of year is a time to give and receive. It’s a time for gratitude and humbleness. It’s a time to remember our family and friends and to be present with them. Instead… what are we doing?

We’re running around checking off a massive list, stressed and feeling slightly empty. And what are many of us doing? We are feeling lonely in our walk through life.  No wonder why we gravitate towards more snacks and sweets during a time when we feel this way. It doesn’t help that we are surrounded by triggers of holiday cheer, cookies and cakes either.

Social media is changing our relationships and I’ll share more on that on another blog, but it only magnifies the lonely many feel. We can be in a marriage or surrounded my friends and feel completely alone. I saw a woman stand up in the middle of a crowd of 5,000 people last month crying on the microphone that she felt so lonely and depressed.  She said she had no one. She was then told to take a look around her… Her eyes completely shifted as she realized she was lonely and surrounded by 5,000 people and her teenage son standing next to her.  She saw that she wasn’t alone and she had a choice in that moment on whether or not to reach out… I’m sure there was a fear of reaching out.

I bet that lonely feeling is pretty comfortable after a while. I bet, for her, feeling lonely gave her a sense of security, even though it was hard.

For the past 24 months, I’ve poured myself into research on… sugar addiction, addiction in general, dependence, cravings, desires, the body’s anatomy and systems, our emotions, subconscious beliefs, new nutritional studies, insulin resistance, fat burning chemistry… blah, blah, blah.

I won’t bore you with the research and instead I will share vulnerably with you on how this affected me. I’m a recovering sugar addict and workaholic. I realized recently that for the past couple of years I’ve literally poured myself into this work with sugar and therefore even working longer hours to do it.  Not too mention, as I research sugar, I’m talking about it daily and seeing pictures of candy bars, donuts and cookies regularly. I call these triggers. So I’ve been purposefully exposing myself to the triggers, which in the past, lead me to uncontrollable sugar eating and work habits.

I’m definitely “human” with my work ethic ways… I’ve  had my share of late nights working this year, but there was a profound difference for me. In the past I used “work” to avoid “life” or “relationships” or “community” or “myself”.

I believed I was so damn lonely in the past that work became my friend. Work became my cover so I didn’t have to feel lonely.

As I type one of my last blogs to you for the year, I want to express that I’m proud of me. I have been a great recovery student of my own sugar game and I’ve done it while being challenged along the way. In 24 months, I’ve had deaths of friends, I’ve moved two times, I got a concussion, had surgery, learned big money lessons, rear-ended someone because I was texting and driving, got audited, learned big boundary lessons and a huge lesson on standing up for myself, went through a divorce, lost friendships, I learned how to get angry and express it properly, found toxic black mold in my home and had to move suddenly, learned how to date people after a divorce, I’m running my business as a single mom to my amazing 4 year old, I’m trusting the money will flow as an entrepreneur, I fell in love deeply when I wasn’t looking to, I’ve had less time with my son due to my divorce…

This isn’t a bitch session, oh no!  I’ve had more than a couple dozen amazing things happen this year from all of those experiences. It’s taught me to rise and to open. And you know what else? I didn’t find myself going back to sugar, crappy eating or avoiding with work during these times. There were moments I was tempted… I’m not perfect and happy about it too.

In my past, I believed I was so damn lonely that sugar became my best friend. Back then, I used the entire tub of mint-chocolate candies to try to hide my lonely.

Now, let me be really clear… I’m human. Um, I know I’ve said that already, but sometimes I forget that I’m human. Seriously. Can you relate?  So it helps me to remind me that yes, I’ve gobbled handfuls of popcorn and tortilla chips. I’ve eaten entire chocolate bars and mindlessly eaten too many of the cookies my son and I made together.

But when I look back I did it openly and I didn’t feel lonely.

I feel full and amazing and supported. I feel whole.

I remember the times my old lonely belief would creep in. I would notice the feeling and remind myself that I am never really alone… all the hard moments, they all worked out… all of them.

I  prayed a lot when making the extremely hard decision to divorce. I asked God to just crack me open. “Please, just crack my heart wide open!” I learned to be careful what I asked for… I should have asked for a gentle opening of my heart. A crack is what I got and it was painful but you know what I learned to stay open in that lonely pain.

I really learned to fall completely in love with myself.

I became my own best friend.

Lonely had a purpose.

Lonely was the catalyst.

Lonely wasn’t the problem!

It was the solution to my evolution when I opened to it and stopped using sugar and work to cover it up.

Tweet: “Being lonely isn’t the problem, it is the solution to your evolution” @reneeheigel #loveyourselfnaked “

I navigated the past 24 months by opening up and when I didn’t think I could take another thing… I opened up more.

We live in environments where we multi-task, we are exposed to social media regularly, advertisements, the internet… our attention spans last only like 11 seconds or something.  There is scientific proof that these things actually make us more lonely!

As you experience the holiday season, I want you to know… you are not alone in your loneliness and you are surrounded my love. This community is here for you and you must be reminded that your loneliness has a purpose, open to it.

Oh and stay away from other lonely people, they won’t help you. Browsing Facebook won’t either.

Leave a comment below and share your wisdom or lonely moment.

xo

Renee

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renee__jayne

renee__jayne
Good morning ☀️ Good morning ☀️
When I look back on my life and consider the relat When I look back on my life and consider the relationships I attracted back then (that happened to be the most toxic or trauma bonded) it was for two big reasons.

1) unconscious seeking for security in things/people/sources outside of me.

Old Belief: “Once I have this, I will be safe. I will feel secure, everything will be okay”

Our security and safety come mostly from within. Certainly, more money or the next “magic pill” or quick fix or relationship can inspire some security, for a while...

It will not last or it will feel like a toxic relationship for as long as we are not Sourced in security and grounded within ourself. 

Note: we often need to look at the “bully’s, emotional abusive or passive aggressive relationships to see this. 
This could be with others or with yourself! Yes, you can “bully” yourself.

2) using things outside of me to cope due to dysregulated nervous system. (This is often not conscious to us at first)

Old belief: “once I have this it will help me “feel better”

These coping mechanisms work for a short while, until they do not anymore. 

(Food, the next “diet or workout plan”, the next shopping spree or purchase, drugs, alcohol, work, relationship, pharmaceuticals, etc)

We won’t be able to hold these things with any balance with a nervous system and emotional system that is dysregulated. 

Your nervous system is a complex network of neurons...
Basically, it’s the control center of your body!

All of your muscles, glands, sensations, smells, hearing, taste, touch, higher self are telling your body what to do.

Your nervous system is interpreting your body’s responses constantly.

We use things outside of us to try and regulate when we feel “out of balance” and sometimes those things just don’t serve us.

The crazy thing is: we will think the solution is in this “thing we need to have ASAP” and the solution we seek actually has nothing to do with “the thing”.

We’ve been taught the wrong way. 
Answers to things rarely come from outside of us.

Many of us were not taught about our nervous system and how it’s impacted by childhood trauma and how it’s the core reason we create a lot of the situations we are in (good or bad).
👇🏽👇🏽
Fantastic question....? Because big profits do no Fantastic question....?

Because big profits do not historically come from healthy people (when it comes to selling the anecdotes to their pain, anyway)

Because healthy people aren’t as easy to manipulate.

Because individuals with strong immune systems need less pharmaceuticals. This impacts Big Pharma’s profits and entire way of business.

Because mandating (I actually don’t like that word, but it works here) ... mandating vitamins and minerals would empower health and individual choice to choose health for one self.  Large corporations selling big pharmaceuticals, large amounts of sugar, fast food and factory and processed foods do not want empowered people because they are harder to sell to.
And big government structures that are run by unethical people can manipulate people who are vitamin deficient, because they get sicker more quickly.
What if your desire to get the lasting results you What if your desire to get the lasting results you’ve always wanted with your life (food, body, relationships, financial) was not about giving more attention to these things? 

What if your attention to the boring nothingness of life began to outweigh the attention you give to all the things you want right now?

Sounds silly, right?! 
Maybe backwards from what we've been taught culturally. 

We were taught to break free from life-long patterns of discontent by consuming information outside of us: learning, doing, pushing, striving.

And yet, it's not working so well, right?  At least not long-term. 

There is a place for education outside of us, yes, however, it doesn't do much for a nervous system that cannot hold the complexity of how we want to grow and evolve within that education and new wisdom.

People are trying to learn to "be still" and calm down their anxiety and maybe even meditate but their bodies cannot hold it yet. 
They struggle! 

So when your physical body and nervous system regulates...
 
Your whole game is changed as you learn to be with yourself. 
To be in your body, with your emotions and nervous system differently than you ever have before. 

Then your system can hold the capacity for the change you have always wanted. 

Make sense?

Love,
Renee 

PS. If I can help you with this radical shift in your life and you're interested in learning about The Somatic Freedom System that I created, send me a DM.
YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS IS MASSIVE AND YOU CAN DREAM NE YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS IS MASSIVE AND YOU CAN DREAM NEW DREAMS FOR NOT ONLY YOU, BUT FOR ALL OF HUMANITY. IMAGINE A RESPECTFUL, WIN-WIN SITUATION. CO-CREATE WITH YOUR TRIBE THE WORLD YOU DESIRE 💖
Rebirth, Adventure and Relationship 😉 Happy Ea Rebirth, Adventure and Relationship 😉

Happy Easter and Passover to all who celebrate. 
Also, important... HAPPY 4-4 BIRTHDAY to this wonderful man. 
(I know, I’m posting a day late)

After taking a purposeful and committed 2 years off of dating and romantic relationships, I opened myself up to dating last year (a 2020 version of it, 😉 ). 

During that time, a friend reached out to me and asked if he could give my phone number to a single friend of his.
I said yes. 
After a while, it felt strange to date others, so I stopped. 

Now, 7 months later and I don’t want to hide now 😉 

Meet Matt. ❤️ We are extremely compatible in all the ways and have so much fun together. Our purposes feel aligned and so does our relationship. So now you know ✨
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