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Renee Jayne

Feeling lonely? I can help.

in Emotional & Mental Health, Love Yourself, Love Yourself Naked, Relationships, Renee's BLOG on 12/23/13

open, Renee Heigel, Love Yourself Naked

This is written to the part of you who feels a bit lonely at times. You actually may not even realize you have the feeling because you’re used to doing something else to distract you… checking the phone, playing games on your phone, eating, surfing the web, working or shopping… The holidays are going on. You might be married, a parent, a business owner or a stay at home mom… You might be an entrepreneur, a coach or leader for others… Lonely isn’t an exclusive feeling to one group or person. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live or what you have going on.

This time of year is a time to give and receive. It’s a time for gratitude and humbleness. It’s a time to remember our family and friends and to be present with them. Instead… what are we doing?

We’re running around checking off a massive list, stressed and feeling slightly empty. And what are many of us doing? We are feeling lonely in our walk through life.  No wonder why we gravitate towards more snacks and sweets during a time when we feel this way. It doesn’t help that we are surrounded by triggers of holiday cheer, cookies and cakes either.

Social media is changing our relationships and I’ll share more on that on another blog, but it only magnifies the lonely many feel. We can be in a marriage or surrounded my friends and feel completely alone. I saw a woman stand up in the middle of a crowd of 5,000 people last month crying on the microphone that she felt so lonely and depressed.  She said she had no one. She was then told to take a look around her… Her eyes completely shifted as she realized she was lonely and surrounded by 5,000 people and her teenage son standing next to her.  She saw that she wasn’t alone and she had a choice in that moment on whether or not to reach out… I’m sure there was a fear of reaching out.

I bet that lonely feeling is pretty comfortable after a while. I bet, for her, feeling lonely gave her a sense of security, even though it was hard.

For the past 24 months, I’ve poured myself into research on… sugar addiction, addiction in general, dependence, cravings, desires, the body’s anatomy and systems, our emotions, subconscious beliefs, new nutritional studies, insulin resistance, fat burning chemistry… blah, blah, blah.

I won’t bore you with the research and instead I will share vulnerably with you on how this affected me. I’m a recovering sugar addict and workaholic. I realized recently that for the past couple of years I’ve literally poured myself into this work with sugar and therefore even working longer hours to do it.  Not too mention, as I research sugar, I’m talking about it daily and seeing pictures of candy bars, donuts and cookies regularly. I call these triggers. So I’ve been purposefully exposing myself to the triggers, which in the past, lead me to uncontrollable sugar eating and work habits.

I’m definitely “human” with my work ethic ways… I’ve  had my share of late nights working this year, but there was a profound difference for me. In the past I used “work” to avoid “life” or “relationships” or “community” or “myself”.

I believed I was so damn lonely in the past that work became my friend. Work became my cover so I didn’t have to feel lonely.

As I type one of my last blogs to you for the year, I want to express that I’m proud of me. I have been a great recovery student of my own sugar game and I’ve done it while being challenged along the way. In 24 months, I’ve had deaths of friends, I’ve moved two times, I got a concussion, had surgery, learned big money lessons, rear-ended someone because I was texting and driving, got audited, learned big boundary lessons and a huge lesson on standing up for myself, went through a divorce, lost friendships, I learned how to get angry and express it properly, found toxic black mold in my home and had to move suddenly, learned how to date people after a divorce, I’m running my business as a single mom to my amazing 4 year old, I’m trusting the money will flow as an entrepreneur, I fell in love deeply when I wasn’t looking to, I’ve had less time with my son due to my divorce…

This isn’t a bitch session, oh no!  I’ve had more than a couple dozen amazing things happen this year from all of those experiences. It’s taught me to rise and to open. And you know what else? I didn’t find myself going back to sugar, crappy eating or avoiding with work during these times. There were moments I was tempted… I’m not perfect and happy about it too.

In my past, I believed I was so damn lonely that sugar became my best friend. Back then, I used the entire tub of mint-chocolate candies to try to hide my lonely.

Now, let me be really clear… I’m human. Um, I know I’ve said that already, but sometimes I forget that I’m human. Seriously. Can you relate?  So it helps me to remind me that yes, I’ve gobbled handfuls of popcorn and tortilla chips. I’ve eaten entire chocolate bars and mindlessly eaten too many of the cookies my son and I made together.

But when I look back I did it openly and I didn’t feel lonely.

I feel full and amazing and supported. I feel whole.

I remember the times my old lonely belief would creep in. I would notice the feeling and remind myself that I am never really alone… all the hard moments, they all worked out… all of them.

I  prayed a lot when making the extremely hard decision to divorce. I asked God to just crack me open. “Please, just crack my heart wide open!” I learned to be careful what I asked for… I should have asked for a gentle opening of my heart. A crack is what I got and it was painful but you know what I learned to stay open in that lonely pain.

I really learned to fall completely in love with myself.

I became my own best friend.

Lonely had a purpose.

Lonely was the catalyst.

Lonely wasn’t the problem!

It was the solution to my evolution when I opened to it and stopped using sugar and work to cover it up.

Tweet: “Being lonely isn’t the problem, it is the solution to your evolution” @reneeheigel #loveyourselfnaked “

I navigated the past 24 months by opening up and when I didn’t think I could take another thing… I opened up more.

We live in environments where we multi-task, we are exposed to social media regularly, advertisements, the internet… our attention spans last only like 11 seconds or something.  There is scientific proof that these things actually make us more lonely!

As you experience the holiday season, I want you to know… you are not alone in your loneliness and you are surrounded my love. This community is here for you and you must be reminded that your loneliness has a purpose, open to it.

Oh and stay away from other lonely people, they won’t help you. Browsing Facebook won’t either.

Leave a comment below and share your wisdom or lonely moment.

xo

Renee

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✨What if we changed our relationship to consumpt ✨What if we changed our relationship to consumption?✨

For anyone who can hear this today and needs the reminder:
Even though there is an enormous amount of external chaos now in our world and systems, going inward and looking at your own personal opportunities to grow is extremely important now.
Especially now you will need more space.

Try not take take other people personally, they need space too.

When things are louder “out there” and there is so much uncertainty, it’s a cue to slow down, tune in to your internal voice and get clear on what you need right now.

Clear away all the noise so you can hear yourself.
Be in nature.
Create the quiet space you need so new habits and commitments can be developed.

It’s not that we won’t be tempted away to distraction. 
We will be, we’re human after all.

It’s not that we would ignore the external loud chatter completely or be naive to important issues that align with our values.

Instead we can be allowing the media wave to float along like a river away from you or next to you.
You don’t need to be “in it or of it”.
What if we changed our relationship to consumption?
We stopped becoming so attached to the latest sound byte... we just allow it to float along...

We focused on creating the new instead.

You are safe.
We are safe.
Stay grounded and centered in yourself in any way you can knowing that truth.
It is safe to relax into your quiet moments.

It’s time to choose to settle into your nervous system differently in the midst of the chaos.

If you need help or support, send me a DM. 

Love to all,
Renee
In order to love ourself, we must learn to LIKE ou In order to love ourself, we must learn to LIKE ourself first. We can choose to be accepting and our own best friend first. 
You don’t fall in love until you like a person first...
How are you being a friend to YOU?? 

Right now, the external chaos is going to reflect back to us how we are choosing to “like ourself” in our darkest moments and through these life experiences we are having and witnessing.

Loving ourself fully and deeply with trust and acceptance has never been more important.

In my experience, loving me is a practice every single day (sometimes every moment) and it happens when I choose to like me first.

I need to know i got a friend in me, that I will have my own back, so to speak... whether I am in bliss and joy or in pain or self sabotage. 

I realize more and more that when I’m not living my highest truth creatively, it’s more challenging to like myself. 

I believe at the end of the day, every person wants to feel that they contributed something of value and that they genuinely like themself.... ideally love themself!

Cheers to new beginnings. 

DM me a note if I can be of service on your holistic wellness and emotional mastery to Love You.
-Renee ❤️ #loveyourselfnaked
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There is a mother within every one of us that has There is a mother within every one of us that has our back. Within you is a nurturing love that you can lean into and give yourself, as well as others. No matter your gender or if you’re a parent, you have the strength of the mother that gives birth to new worlds.

Link in my bio @renee__jayne to keep following me and my videos and writing!  By joining my email list, you’ll definitely stay connected with me.
I’m not certain on my next steps with where I will keep posting on various social platforms now. I’m not going anywhere yet. I am definitely formulating a different plan. So if you want to make sure we stay connected, sign up for my website newsletter @renee__jayne 

And remember that you are #strongasamother 💥🔥💃🏼❤️🌹🗣
I see you! How are you doing right now? I’m need I see you! How are you doing right now? I’m needing more rest these days to show up in bigger ways! Hey... that rhymed! Fortunately, rest helps me write a lot and create more. It got me thinking... 
What if we did something new, that we’ve never done before, every single day?
It could be as simple as drinking more water or calling a friend or walking outside or making a video...?
One change every day will change your whole game. I will continue to keep you posted on my experience, it is working wonderfully over here so far 😉
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