Judgment

October 3 2017

Are you silently grieving?

I’ve been speaking with people in the last 24 hours, I get the impression that many people are silently grieving.

Are you one of them?

Many of us are struggling with human intimacy and connection right now… we may be afraid to see others (and even ourselves) in a new light. For many we might feel completely shut down and even numb. And for others we feel unsafe, not only in our own body but in the light of tragic events and devastation all over the world – we feel less safe in general.

You might act like everything is “fine”. But inside, no one know’s how bad you’re doing.

There is a decision we make, to shut people off, close off intimacy and hide. This decision comes for survival-mode. It happens when horrible, traumatic things happen in the world and it happens in our day to day life when we get “triggered” by things that remind us of childhood trauma.

It’s the woman who feels depressed, lonely and shameful for numbing out with food last night, but the next day when she is with friends or at work she is telling stories about all of the good things happening. She is avoiding the entire picture of her reality.

She is silently grieving and it is slowly eating her alive.

Click here to watch a video on Why You Need To Tell Your Stories!

Withholding distorts our reality. Soon we compartmentalize and begin to live a double life. The one we know in the quiet corners of our thoughts and the one everyone else sees.

This is how I felt within my 9 year marriage, that ended over 5 years ago. I didn’t feel connected and I blamed myself. I felt shame that it was my problem. Maybe something was wrong with me. Maybe, something everything that was wrong was my fault…

So I made little decisions, every day, mostly unconscious that I was doing it, to hide my unhappiness and loneliness. I vowed to figure it out myself. I did the personal development work, I tried to change my thoughts. I did the stuff my coaches said and “focused on the positive”. I changed my food and nutrition.

And years later, nothing helped. Things were the same and probably worse.

I had completely lost touch with my feelings and emotions and I hid this from most everyone – even myself. I got lost in another persons dreams, ideas and visions. I lost myself and didn’t know how to feel anymore. I didn’t feel like I was lying or intentionally hiding, because I didn’t know any different, but in reality I was living like everything was “just fine”. In reality, everything was not fine, in fact, it wasn’t good at all.

I’m sharing this with you because transformation often requires that we separate our emotional selves from our rational minds.

And the problem is that so many of us, have not been taught how to connect to our emotional self.

Even though I had my food and nutrition figured out and this positive mind and the best coaches helping with it, everything still fell apart because I had NO idea how to get in touch with my emotions and feelings.

If you want to change your life, you must have the formula of growing yourself with your:

1) Feelings

2) Food

3) Thoughts

You must have ALL 3 of these or you will keep spinning in circles and hiding, just like I was.

By the way, your spirituality is the undercurrent of all 3 of these, however without your feelings, food and thoughts in alignment, your spirituality will be used as a mission to prove yourself.

We start with “food” first and we begin soon. There are only a few days left to get access to a quick breakthrough call with me to be a part of Love Your Life Academy.

Have the courage to say yes to an opportunity to have a breakthrough.

Click here to schedule now

Love,

PS. If you haven’t already, I’m inviting you to join me on this “90 Days To Freedom” Workshop right now. It’s available for just 48 hours. Click here to listen to the the 90 Days To Freedom Workshop right now. Oh and let me know what you think below. I’d love to hear from you.

September 27 2017

How to break your limiting belief around Time

Renee 0

“I don’t have enough time!” This was my signature phrase for most of my life up until a few years ago. In high school, when they had those mock elections, I was voted “Always late”. No joke.

Do you feel overwhelmed, busy and like you don’t have enough time in your schedule and the thought of adding something else seems impossible?!

Are you rushing out the door, feeling high stress and getting to places last minute or late?

Do you regular say, I don’t have time for that right now or I’m way to busy to spend time doing that?

If so, I get it! These were my words, verbatim for most of my adult life. I also find this a lot with busy moms and entrepreneurs.

I made you a quick video, however I had a few other things to share on this topic so read below if this resonates. It’s important.

This place of “not having enough time” is all consuming and it’s a way of being that created a heightened stress for me.

I remember going from my to do list to items in my schedule completely overwhelmed with how I was going to possibly get it all done. It was like no one seemed to understand how busy I was. Why did everyone have all of these expectations on me? Didn’t they know what I was dealing with…?

Now that I’m on the “other side” of my old favorite phrase “I don’t have enough time”, I’ve learned a great deal about myself and what it meant for me, my son, my business, family, relationships and entire life. I realized that this simple yet profound phrase was a belief system and way of thinking that was actually doing me and the people I loved most, serious harm.

Worse, it was keeping me from the things in my life that actually matter most.

The “to do’s” that needed to be in my schedule to really help me evolve (like the transformational course, the regular workout, the health eating, the self care) would often get throw into the “don’t have time” pile.

I learned a few things that woke me the heck up quickly.

One is this: Time is an intimacy issue. Not feeling like you have enough time means that you are afraid to dive down deep into anything. You are afraid to go all in on something and you know what, eventually your health will suffer for it!

I ended up in the hospital on an IV for a migraine that wouldn’t go away for days. Years later I still didn’t learn my lesson and I was almost hospitalized for adrenal fatigue and exhaustion.

So if you are stuck in the loop and thought of feeling like you just don’t have enough time, I get it. I really understand. Also, I want to wake you up from this thought and tell you that it isn’t about the “time” it’s about your level of connection and intimacy. This is the real issue.

There are only 7 days left to schedule a quick breakthrough call with me about being a part of Love Your Life Academy. I directly tackle this issue of “not having enough time” as we align your food, feelings and thoughts to transform you to living a life you love. Click here to apply to speak with me

It’s near and dear to my heart.

Feeling constantly rushed was almost like a addiction to me and I want to help people break free from this.

Thanks for reading and watching,

How to break your limiting belief around Time

PS. If you are feeling like you don’t have time for a free call to breakthrough and transform your life or you don’t have enough time to participate in a coaching course, I want to give you permission to slow down and know that you can do these things at your own pace. Only 7 days left! Click to apply here.

May 16 2017

Alone

Renee 0

ALONE. October 2012. Day 3 of my conference and 1 month post divorce.
Hurricane Sandy is approaching Manhattan.
The apartment I’m renting for a few days, from a friend, is downtown near Wall Street. I’m informed that I’m in the evacuation zone and I need to leave.
My flight is cancelled for tomorrow and I need to find a place to stay.
I’m literally on one of the last taxi rides out of downtown, traveling to midtown. I have the heaviest freak’n suitcases imaginable. I’m angry with myself for this choice as I am pulling it down NYC city streets during a hurricane. The irony is thick.
I get rejected four times while trying to find places to stay. People are sweet and scared. They share that their space is already full or they are trying to leave the city.
I find a friend who offers her couch and I feel so grateful for her and her roommate. I have no idea how I’m getting home to my son and where I’m staying the following night.
To say I’m vulnerable in this moment is an understatement.
The next day I find an inn {a hostel where you share a bathroom with the entire floor}. I chose it because it was a safe spot near union square and it was $139 a night. I walk a block to the only open store. I buy water. I buy some food. I buy candles. The wind blows me into the buildings as I walk back to my room.
Eventually the power is out. It’s 8pm. I’m completely alone in a hostel and I am thinking “how in the hell did I get here?”
I’m silent. I’m out of my comfort zone. I’m vulnerable. I’m scared. I’m convinced this place is haunted.
In my darkness, I am alone.
I was forced to be honest. I started to cry. I talked to the Universe. I screamed at God. I decided I needed to meditate. I punched the bed. Then I decided I needed to eat..
I ate almost all of my food. The idea of rationing was forgotten. I would have died on the deserted island if that had been the reality. (I ended up being stranded for another 4 days in NYC).
I ate my food fast and I knew I was eating for comfort. I wasn’t even hungry. I was avoiding being alone. I was avoiding the pain of having to look. at. myself. I thought the food would comfort me. I thought it would take away my feelings.
I thought it would fill the whole deep inside that was yearning to be filled.
Now the food was gone. I couldn’t see my book with candlelight anymore, it was too dark. I was forced to sit and be alone with me. I needed to see myself.
I comforted myself. I loved myself.
Then I got distracted. I hear all the families in the rooms around me. No one is speaking english. Somehow that was more soothing because I didn’t understand what they were saying. At least they have each other. At least I had them.
I began to meditate again. The wind was very strong. It kept interrupting my state. Jarring my nervous system with jolts of power.
The contrast that I am alone and I am never alone dawns on me. I begin to weep.
I am proud of myself for finding safe shelter in this storm.
I see the metaphor of this hurricane to my recent divorce. I weep some more.
I decide I need to stop surviving and start thriving.
I finally surrender to the loudness of the storm against our building. I allow it to rock me to sleep. I wake up in a wet puddle of tears on my pillow.
I plan my feet on the ground.
In my lightness, I am alone. I am safe.

Renee
#day31 #100creationsofselflove #100dayproject

I heard this woman speak last weekend. She described a regular state of anger and shame that she felt for herself. She was raw and honest. Sometimes when we feel our worst, the last thing we want is “Happy”. In fact, when I was in my low moments, Happy people annoyed me so much. I thought they were fake. I bet some of them were. I assumed they were faking it. I was faking it.

And yet, there were some who were real. That’s how I figured out that I could be real and happy more often too. It would take some work. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t have crappy days, it just meant that my overall sense of peace and joy would be my more dominate feelings.

I am closing down the registration to Happy On The Inside soon, click here to register and get access right away.

April 7 2017

What is self love?

Renee 0

I’m taking part in something called the #100dayproject where I choose a theme to practice and express creatively for 100 days. I have chosen #100creationsofselflove. Today’s writing for you is from Day 3 of my 100 days. If you want to follow along with each day, follow me on Instagram here.

What does it mean to have self love?

Some try to equate it with selfishness, huge egos or narcissism. I don’t see self love and equate it with these directly and yet there is a perspective that is important to see.

Loving yourself, in my opinion, has a lot more to do with managing our own mental health than one might think at first.

Selfishness, huge egos and narcissism are mostly based in insecurity. I used to show up that way at times too and I bet I still will in some moments because I am human, after all… The selfishness teaches that we are not holding boundaries in our relationships and life. If we feel taken advantage of or manipulated or other people’s constant anger, it’s because our boundaries aren’t healthfully in place. It turns out that we will need to change our perspective on what “selfish” really means and begin to say YES to holding boundaries with people and experiences that are not healthy for us.

That huge ego was and is a symptom of not honoring our internal voice and intuition while not doing what we say we are going to do. We begin learning that we cannot trust ourself after so many times we didn’t listen or follow through…

This leads to the narcissistic moments (I’m not talking about Narcissistic Personality Disorder here, that is different). This reminds us that we are trying to be perfect, we aren’t trusting and hence trying to control the situation versus seeing the perspectives of others.

Self love can feel messy, vulnerable, uncomfortable and hard, at first. It’s about practicing to accept yourself for both your strengths and weaknesses. What happens when you accept all of you? It feels awkward at first because guilt and self shaming have perhaps become so normalized in our culture. After awhile, self love feels like the food you have been hungry for your whole life.

Self love is about being real. How are you right now? Have you asked yourself lately? Have you listened when your instinct said to slow down or to walk away or dive in deeper?

Self love begins with a dialogue with your Self. It becomes a habit and it turns into a practice. It begins inside with creative inspiration that can be found everywhere to remind you and me to keep on looking back inside. Say thank you every time you find this creative inspiration.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you,

Renee

May 21 2015

6 Tools On How To Be Truly Happy Right Now That Really Work

Renee 1

Once upon a time, I had someone ask me, “Renee, are you happy?” I paused for a moment and looked at them with blank eyes and a little shock… and I said, “No, I’m not happy.”

It took me by surprise to see that I was living my life without joy and never stopped to really consider how it could be any different. This was a huge wake up call for me.

I wanted to be happy in my life, in fact, I wanted to be the happiest person I knew and at that particular time in my life, true joy and happiness seemed so far away. I could barely see the light.

I didn’t know that my joy and happiness were actually just a few breaths away from me. I didn’t see that my happiness and joy came from inside of me and not from outward circumstances.

The other day I was walking downtown near my home and I saw this sign that said “start your weekend on fleek”

Hmm… “on fleek” about my weekend… Oh, I probably have to tell you about what “on fleek” means because I didn’t know that new internet slang term until about 6 months ago, but before I get to that wisdom, I gotta share that on this particular day, I just felt like I wanted to cry constantly. Today I want to share 6 useful tools about how we find happiness when it seems so far and out of reach.

I wanted to know why I felt this sensation of tears welling up, tightness in my throat. Yes, my senses and empathy run stronger during this time in my cycle, no doubt. I wanted to feel excited and like this moment, my day or my weekend would be “on fleek”.

What is “on fleek”?

I learned this term when I was hanging for the day with some friends doing a photo shoot… Boswell and Melissa. I guess the term dates back to 2003, but it means “smooth, nice, sweet”.

For me, it wasn’t the term that triggered me on the sign, it was the idea that I didn’t feel in alignment. I felt like I wanted to hibernate. I wanted to crawl under a rock and cry. I didn’t know why and I wasn’t allowing myself the space to do it. I was pushing on through.

As it turned out I needed a lot of downtime, mediation, laughter, herbs, yoga and healthy foods. When that was done, I realized that I also needed to let myself open up and trust… Both physically and emotionally. I was reminded that it’s all figured out, I’m safe whichever path I choose. And…. I get to live “now” and that’s the best gift. I gave myself permission to feel my feelings and confront my fears. I chose to love myself enough and then I began to love my life. I appreciated the flowers and birds chirping and the beautiful elderly couple who walked down the street hand in hand. I diligently noticed my thoughts so I could keep my focus on these gorgeous gifts around me, instead of any loud thoughts from earlier in the day. That present moment space feels like freedom to me. That is what I crave most, freedom. I want to create and teach and dance and move and love… Part of my urge to cry was a deep feeling of missing my son that day and it was also a deep yearning for some quality time with ME.

Here are the 6 best tools to bring you out of your funk or not so happy time are as follows:

*Give yourself the space to sit with yourself and just be. Breathe and move your body in whatever way feels best.

*Dance it out – seriously- moving your body, moves your mind

*Meditation practice (sit in silence for 10 + minutes and notice your thoughts)

*Call a friend and share yourself

*Spend time in nature

*Eat veggies or a have a drink with high vitamin and mineral contents.

And remember that if you want a smooth ride and an “on fleek” week or weekend… you must remember to love yourself enough to create space for yourself. It’s this space (even if it’s a 5-10 minutes) that will open you up to the fact that your joy comes from within, not from what’s going on outside of you.

PS. Oh and note that at the time of this, we are experience Mercury Retrograde. I never used to believe in this but now I pay attention because I have seen first hand the effects on life when Mercury (the planet) decides to stop moving or go backwards. It’s a time when we want to hibernate more, slow down, be more introspective and grow through some old patterns that don’t serve us

PPS. If you have been thinking about making changes to more fully love your life, I have 2 openings currently for my Love Your Life Coaching — a one on one coaching program that shows you how to Love Your Life, your body and be the happiest person you know. I’m doing free 30 minute phone interviews with people for this right now. In this session you’ll discover the biggest breakthrough holding you back in loving your life and the steps you need to take to get the happy outcome you desire. If you are ready for this, email Jackie (our chief of client happiness) right away so you can schedule with me. These two spots will fill fast and if you’re ready, take action now: support@reneeheigel.com

April 30 2014

There are artificial sweeteners in your health food

Renee 0

To all my healthy friends and clients: if you feel like you know lots about this, please read again because these “fake” sweeteners are disguised in more and more healthy foods every single day. You gotta stay on top of this stuff.

Before I get to this though, I gotta share this brief story where I was super judgmental. It began in Mexico with me in a chair on the beach.

First, let me say this… everyone can experience judgment… even if they tell you otherwise, they aren’t really clear on how humanity works. Humans are designed to judge.

There is an awareness though, that I personally discovered for myself and it has allowed me to back up from the critical judgement I may feel in a moment and observe the situation with compassion or curiosity or humor, etc.

Okay, back to the beach in Mexico… I could hear people all around me ordering alcoholic drinks with Splenda (artificial sweetener). It was so common, almost like a new fad or something. As i noticed my judgement build up inside, I decided to do my whole back up thing to observe… I saw that these people around me were really trying to do their best. I can only assume that they wanted to have fun, drink their drinks and feel like they were being more health conscious while doing so.

People hear in the news about how terrible “sugar” is for you so they might naturally assume that the “Splenda” or artificial sweetener option is a better one.

They assumed wrong.

Consuming with artificial sweeteners is poisonous.

The argument these manufacturers use is that you consume less calories and avoid sugar. You may avoid sugar but you end up eating something just as bad if not worse and the argument of calories is the biggest hoax. It should mean nothing to you.

I was doing some assuming of my own… assuming that most of my newer clients know the truth about artificial sweeteners and I keep getting asked this question lately when I’m speaking too. Then I see the folks around me on vacation and I realize that there could be more awareness on the subject of how toxic artificial sweeteners are for us.

What tipped me over the edge was while I was eating my lunch outside, I saw a bird devour an entire packet of Splenda right next to me. I was yelling at the bird like an crazy lady… saying stop it, don’t eat that. It’s so bad for you. I was trying to get the bird to drop the packet. It just flew away with its Splenda drug so it could devour it in private.

The question is really who is the crazy person?

To put it simply, you are being fooled, we all are.

Food manufacturers are putting artificial sweeteners in packaged foods under different names so you don’t recognize them. I have personally seen them in the ingredients of some oatmeals and I hear that they are hidden in fruit juices like V8 and other packaged foods. Of course, we know they are inside soda touting to be zero or lower calories.

Please become a label-reading junky and use the list I give you below!

Read what you are eating and avoid packaged foods. Some could call this negative, I don’t… I call it a reality.

Knowledge is key and I want to encourage you to be empowered to make choices that support your health. You are not powerless over the food industry and I can help you come up with a plan to guide you.

Save the list below so you can check your packaged foods for these items and avoid them:

Sweet N Low
Equal
Splenda
Saccharin
Aspartame
Sorbitol
Sucralose
Polydextrose
Hydrogenated Startch Hydrolysaates
Xylitol
Lacitol
Mannitol
Maltitol Syrups
Maltitol
Acesulfame K
Erythritol
Isomalt (Palitanat)
Tagatose
Neotame
*Data courtesy of Roberto Ferdman via Quartz. (qz.com)

xo,
Renee

April 10 2014

How judgmental are you?

Renee 0

Have you ever heard a conversation that sounded like this before?

You are so fat. You look terrible in that. I cannot believe you let yourself go. I cannot believe I have this health issue… how did this happen to me? I’m so angry at him, he doesn’t even listen to me. I’m such a bad mom. I cannot believe she lied to me… I cannot trust her. I cannot trust anyone! I cannot live like this anymore. I’m so sick of sugar controlling me…., tomorrow I’m going to stop eating it. I can’t go out tonight, I have nothing to wear. Nothing looks good on me and I don’t have anything to hide my fat stomach.

No doubt that these moments are deeply frustrating and depressing. The dialogue we have in our own minds can lead to the biggest thing that holds us back with our health, weight loss, happiness, relationships and getting exactly what we want. I will eventually teach you how to begin to change this dialogue with yourself. At the bottom of this page, you can register for my free video series and live webinar that is coming in about a week.

For now, I want to teach you an important law that you can take with you and practice today. For me personally, I have experienced noticing the strong critical judgment I had on myself over the years and it still comes up from time to time.

The law is this: everything that happens to you is part of the divine plan, stop judging it as right or wrong or good or bad.

Often your biggest flaws are often our greatest strengths and the more you get hung up on all of the bad things going on, you will not be able to move forward, heal and evolve. For example, your weight or disease or health or relationship crisis could be your best gift. It’s hard to see that when you are in the middle of it all and you’ll never see it if you stay attached to things being “good” or “bad” or “right” or “wrong”.

There is no such thing… it all “just IS”. It’s all as it “should” be.

The issue is your perception of the experience.

Here is a story to illustrate from a fantastic children’s book that I read to my son, called Zen Shorts:

:::::

There was once an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years.

One day, his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit.

“Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.

“Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it two other wild horses.

“Such good luck!” the neighbors exclaimed.

“Maybe,” replied the farmer.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown off, and broke his leg.

Again, the neighbors came to offer their sympathy on this misfortune.

“Such bad luck,” they said.

“Maybe,” answered the farmer.

The day after that, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army to fight in the war. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by.

“Such good luck!” cried the neighbors.

“Maybe,” said the farmer.

Good and bad get all mixed up.

You never know what will come next and how it will impact you.

Today, practice this law of non-judgment.

Judge yourself less. Judge others less and witness the situations you are in as neither good or bad.

It all just is.

Starting next week, I’m opening up the first of the 4 free videos I created on burning fat, winning at sugar cravings and getting more energy. I’m also going to be doing a LIVE webinar after these videos with Q&A. I cannot wait to connect with you.

To make sure you are in “the know” when it all begins, click here.

It Just IS,
Renee

PS. Be sure to be in the know when I unveil the free videos and details to be on the free webinar with me by clicking here.