Yes, I know. Most of us have this dialogue going on inside our head that we are embarrassed to talk about or we are so used to hearing that we can be completely unaware of how loud and vocal it is!
For example, do you find yourself being disgusted with yourself because you think you should be skinnier, healthier or further along by now? Do you often say things to yourself like, “you’re a jerk”, “you’re so stupid”, “you’re so fat”, “I hate you”, or “you look terrible”. Do you find yourself comparing to others and telling yourself that you are different and it’s just not possible for you?
What can be worse is that we have this negative self talk going on and we don’t acknowledge it and sometimes we blame it on others! It has become the fad in psychology or certain types of counseling to spend lots of time looking at your dark past or blaming your parents for every bad thing going on in your life. Although it’s important to look at these dark parts and the way we were raised, it isn’t the only solution to breaking past our barriers and creating long-lasting change in our life and health.
We might have had some bad things happen in our past, parents who didn’t do things the way you would have, but most often those issues do not compare to the way you are speaking to yourself in the present moment. You may have had a mean parent growing up but it doesn’t compare to how brutal you are with those words of yours!
I am writing to you today from a beautiful island in the Caribbean. Your health coach is getting lots of vitamin D these days. I’ve been coming here since 2002 and it’s become a second home in many ways. What a blessing! What I’m reminded of when I’m here in peaceful paradise is how far I’ve come in terms of my own self talk. It is in these moments of silence, when we get away from the regular loudness of phones, computers and television that we can actually tune in to what the talk is saying in our heads. Please note that you don’t have to be on an island to do this, although it certainly doesn’t help.
This generation, I believe, is far to used to self loathing or escaping the pain by burying themselves into self-analysis, relationships, drugs, alcohol, work, diet plans or projects at home. I know, because I used to be an expert at various forms of escapism. These escape routes are simply Band-Aids on the wound and they don’t help you heal long term. So then we end up trying to control everything, obsess, attack and sabotage our careers, our weight, our health and relationships to name a few.
The thoughts in our heads are like goblins that will suck the life out of you. They will grow worse until you reach a breaking point and a part of your life implodes… whether that is diet, health, relationships, career, sickness, etc.
I’ve read countless books that say your thoughts equal your reality… change your thoughts and change your life. Yes, this is all truth and it works, but then many of us find weeks later that we are stuck back in the same garbage situation, degrading ourselves with our words that we wouldn’t say to a potential enemy.
It is apparent to me when looking back on my personal journey and working with clients as a holistic health practitioner that whether we are using drugs, food, alcohol, negativity and beliefs to destroy our health it is all the same. We can become “addicted” to being in this sense of pain and scared of what it might feel like to be free and at peace with life.
I have 7 steps for you today to get your out of your funk and onto living the life you are supposed to be living this holiday season.
Change your words. Yes, the one you’ve heard so many times… your thoughts equal your outcome. When the negative self talk comes up, then let it go, apologize to YOU and change it to something different. This takes practice so be easy on yourself when you slip up because you will. You’ve likely been talking pretty badly to YOU for a long time.
Know that the light is within you. Whatever your belief system, it begins with you and recognizing that you are light and perfect as you are. It took some dark moments in my life for me to get this concept fully, but once I did, you reach a knowing that your light will see you through and you’ll always come out on the other side stronger. You heart hasn’t stopped beating, right? Remember that this obstacle (no matter how massive it may seem) is actually an incredible opportunity for you to learn about yourself and bring you to the gifts you have to give to this world.
Vitamin D. I’m surprised how few people know to take Vitamin D. This is necessary for every person to take daily. Why do you think you are getting sick when the weather changes? We often get sick when the weather changes because we are lacking in vitamin D. It controls your immune system, ability to reduce inflammation, calcium and phosphorus levels and new cell growth. Most people are deficient in vitamin D and although you can buy foods fortified with Vitamin D these days, it’s not enough for you to be healthy. The sun is the best source and it is challenging to get it from food alone. Mushrooms and some fish like salmon provide some vitamin D. Cereal and milk products will boast that it is fortified and provides a sufficient amount but you’d have to eat lots of these products all day long, which I don’t recommend. I recommend getting outdoors for 10 minutes a day between 10-2pm if you have fair skin with no sunscreen during sunny times of the year. If you have dark skin, you’re overweight or over 60 years of age you’ll need even more vitamin D. Where you live, effects how much you get. I recommend going to your health food store and getting the liquid vitamin D and getting in a minimum of 1000 IU’s each day via the sun + a supplement. Then, the salmon, mushrooms or Vitamin D fortified products are an added bonus.
B-12. It’s not uncommon for many of us to be deficient in vitamin B-12. We get this from eating animal products; primarily grass-fed animal products such as eggs and beef. The reality is that unless you are getting your meat from a local farm or health store and it states “grass-fed”, you are probably not getting a whole lot of Vitamin B-12. I have many clients who decide not to eat meat but they don’t know to supplement B-12. When we lack in B-12 it can lead to serious conditions and we can experience depression, mood changes, lack of memory and it can have an effect on our nervous system. I suggest buying the tablets that dissolve under your tongue at your local health food store.
Have a breakdown. These can be a little underrated! I have had several big ones in my years. It is sometimes when we hit rock bottom that we finally wake up and realize we need to make a change and stop living in the hell that we’ve created for ourselves. Sometimes we begin to breakdown and then we feel like we got to hold it all together so we stop. I’m suggesting letting it go and giving YOU permission to break. (I am not suggesting you harm others or yourself in the process). Remember that this breakdown is really the beginning of a breakthrough and it’s in the moment that it happens that you begin your journey, not when it ends.
Ask for what you want and Trust. If you think of most people who have a turning point in life or health, it is usually after they recognize that the universe is much bigger than they are and they surrender to it. They jumped in knowing the net would catch them (even though it was super scary). They took the leap of faith. You can’t do the same thing you tried year after year that didn’t work and expect it to work this time; that’s insane. What if you signed up for that marathon you always wanted to do? What if you made a decision and trusted that you would follow through in a way that you never have before (even though you can’t see the path on how to do it right now). What do you want? Ask for it (without stating what you don’t want—that’s the negative self talk coming back up). Ask and you will receive.
In the comment section below. Please share one AHA moment you got from reading this blog. I love hearing from you and as always, thank you for tuning in.
Much love and light to you,